Walking with Foreign Souls

You know, the other day I decided to go for a run. Now, I’ve never been much of a runner. I thought it would help clear my head so I could focus and make a few important decisions.

Well it worked, but not in the way I would have expected it to. As I started running, my head began overloading with thoughts, uncertainties, confusion, and was doing the opposite of what I had hoped. The harder and more focused I was, the worse it got.

However, when I slowed down and began headed in a new direction, I felt better. I would try once again to push my pace, or to go back to my original destination, but it all would come back. Eventually, I decided I didn’t care where I ended up, or how long it would take me to get there.

I came onto a grassy green park by the Manawatu River, threw my shoes off and dug my toes into the grass. I sat down in complete satisfaction looking around me, this is where I was suppose to be.

There was a white gazebo in front of a sparkling river, running trails, happy dogs, and the sun was shining, this place was perfect.

 (Not the actual Gazebo for those calling me on my BS)

I realized that when I was focused on exactly where I wanted to end up, that that’s all I could see. Rather, when I slowed down and had no end in mind, everything I saw was amazing.

I took my time enjoying myself in the park, digging my feet into the mud, dancing, and fiddling with sticks. Still in the moment, I was pushing myself to make decisions, and felt rushed to get back into the rat race.

With a shoe in each hand, I walked up to the edge of the river, and one by one, threw them into the current. They gave me blisters. I never liked running, or being in a rush to go somewhere I didn’t want to be (especially considering the larger scale of my “life”).

Now the moral is, not to throw your shoes in the river, but to be true to yourself. There is a difference between the path you are meant to take and the path you think you’re supposed to take.

I encourage you to live life like a journey, to enjoy the adventure and each step along the way. Not to take life or dreams for granted. We can learn something amazing every day, and to try new things.

Pick it up, Put it Down, Pick it Up, Put it Down. Ya learn something new every day.

It's easy to get out of blogging when you don't do it... I regret not writing more over the last several months. When I write I realize how amazing life is, all you have to do is step back. I've learned so much!

I've picked up fire poi, and have since performed and several events including the World Squash Tournament! Our club won best club of the year 2010! I've been slowly learning a few more songs on the guitar, I'm a better surfer. Tricks of professionalism, general management, and leadership. Hopefully found a few more perplexing pieces to the puzzle of "Men".

I've been worried that I've been moving backwards, rather than forwards... or worse, stagnation! lol, I'll never be stagnate. The trick for me will be balance, somehow achieving my needs (Maslow's hierarchy), and let my spirit roam free. I must accept who I am, and what I want out of life. Then let things form around me to help me achieve it.

I want to get a Canon SLR again, and video... and travel the world, show it off! There is so much to see!

Hmmm.... My cheese is still moving... maybe it's a living culture

So, it seems that my cheese keeps on moving. I suppose if I stay in one place and try to spot my cheese without following it, I'm defeating the purpose. I'm known for making sporadic major changes in my life, and for once, I thought I'd try taking forever to make a decision and span it out to do things properly... Got my sniffer out, wiskers twitching, WHERE's MY CHEESE!!! :P

My friend Jordan is also making some major life decisions right now, after a long talk, we decided to jump into the car, drive to the store, and find our cheese. I bought 2-3 types myself, so did he, with some cheese crackers and had a feast. Love blue cheese, and sundried tomato cheese, motzerella, smoked cheese, most anything branded Kapiti cheese, cottege cheese, string cheese....Hmm... maybe I just love too many cheeses? Mac N Cheese anyone? ... 4 cheese pasta?

I'm trying to analyze it all. dead end.

Ya know, the minute my life became breezy here in New Zealand, the last thing I did was sit down and write about it. Shoot, I hardly took photos, just in the moment. Pure satisfaction. The Massey Fire Crew has become my family, and I've realized that I'm now a grown up (of sorts).

I've begun to define myself as an adult, and realized I'm not your everyday person. It'd drive me mad! I MUST TRAVEL, I must experience life, I am a nomad. I love people, more than anything. Money is a tool, nothing more, but it is important to keep on reserve. You shouldn't be held back in life by something as trivial as money.

When my Fire Club Family left, off to see the world and make the most of themselves, I found myself lost. Like I belong in a place that no longer exists, I think we all feel that way. None of us were ready to go our own ways, but the time was here. I can't wait to see where life takes them, lets make each other proud, be the people we mean to become.



Don't let fear hold you back. Let your heart guide you, your intuition steer you,  your soul balance you, and your legs drive you forward. There is nothing accept a self perplexed bubble, which I assure you stretches, that comes between you and the world around you.

Who Moved my Cheese

Time passes by so quickly, it's hard to believe nearly 5 months have passed without me blogging. To be honest, it's probably because I've been quite comfortable living a day-to-day life. Don't get me wrong, I still surf and I've been getting into fire spinning over the last couple of months. Pretty sweet stuff.

Hmmm, but there is something missing, not quite sure what it is yet...   Oh, I know, my cheese is missing. Have you seen it?

I have no idea what direction life will take me, maybe I'll stay in Palmy forever.... probably not. :P  It's a great life, but I crave adventure. That's just who I am!

If you could do anything, what would you do?  Post a comment below!! Go on, do it!

Childhood thoughts

Being a grown up isn't as easy as I thought it would be. When I was a child I knew that when I grew up, I would know everything just like grown ups do. No matter what they said or did, we idolized it. Looking back, the problems and concerns I had as a child seem so miniscule. I use to be afraid of a monster under my bed, even still I have to keep my feet covered at night. Our concerns as children are just as important as when we are adults, they help decide what kind of people we will be as we face life.

The Black Dog

Over the last month, I've lost everything. We'll skip the details, cause I've wallowed in it long enough. Time to move on. To start over. Again. I've found it hard to seek out what still inspires me, what motivates me. It seems like nothing anymore. I've had to take a deep look at myself. Patrick Ellverton seems to know what I'm talking about, the black dog. Mission: Tame it!

Walking Backwards

No matter how much you think you know about life, how much you've seen or done, there's always an unexpected surprise around the corner. I've decided to live my life, to do everything I possibly can with it.

If you haven't heard, Murphy has been following me around, making sure I abide by his laws. Over the last month I've had my apple laptop and digital SLR camera stolen. I've discovered I don't know anything about the people I lived with, and all of a sudden my life changed... From the night of the theft,  I no longer lived in that home, and ended up changing jobs. I guess I'm still partially un-employed. I've been so frazzled I left my ipod in a restroom, and got later lost two blocks from home. I must have been on some other planet, cause I ended up crossing the street four times, and walked backwards two blocks from where I started.

...   Life's confusing.

Relativity

We often wish we had what others did, something bigger, better or different. Even those who have the biggest and the best though, want something more. That's life. The trick is, wanting what you've got. I miss home like I never would've imagined. I've got everything I could have hoped for here in New Zealand, except for them. I miss you guys. I talk to friends and family, and they all wish to be traveling and doing what I do, funny that.

I'd love to give you a bit more wisdom... I guess we all have our worries, our problems, no matter the size or day. It's all relative.

Quilt of Memories

Today it finally hit me, my friend Berned is going home to Germany. After two and a half years in New Zealand, we've shared so many memories, so many friends, our dear friend Paula- Our crabby old pink Mitsubishi Mirage. I've kept the key to her, and will never forget when Berned and I took her out for one last go at the beach.

Let's just say, anything you've ever wanted to do to a car, we did it to her! Drove her into the ocean, pulled the e-break at full speed, zooming down the beach, launched er off the dunes, opened beer bottles with the seat belts (of course we weren't driving).

Paula was how I really got to know Berned, a co-owned car with first German guy I've ever met. So excessively "German," I learned to simply cut out any explanation, nicknaming him "The German." We'll maybe being excessively stereotypical isn't quite fair for explanatory purposes, but it made him very difficult to get along with. His bizarre behaviors, complaining, quick explanations, and laughter held under stern glare took some getting use to. I've grown to love his humor, especially when other people can't tell when he is or isn't serious, and poking out a smile whenever possible. I've come to really appreciate him for who he is, and love his crazy personality, a best friend.

Despite a wild going away party involving mulled wine and burning sugary liquor... it hadn't hit me that he was leaving until tonight. I can never refuse the offer of cheap stuff from an international leaving the country. I've come to find myself showered in the memories these international students shared with New Zealand and our friends here, through the items they leave behind.

I bought a car this week that has likely seen more of these island roads than I have, and the maps I'm given are well worn. Marked up with the exciting destinations that will now be the digital photos shared with our future families. Many of my clothes, furniture, and tools have had many owners and put to good use. We take care of the things we have, and pre-loved items share their adventures with me. when I look at the items all around me, they all have a history, and remind me of the incredible journey we are on.

I face many fears, of being alone, or forgotten amongst the memories. This dream life is not over for me, its more than just an OE (Overseas Experience), it's my life. It's wonderful, and I'm so afraid of loosing it.

I'm being swept up in this giant quilt, ancient time lines of experience and knowledge. I can't help but wonder what challenge the future will bring. I'm cuddled up by a warm fire, wrapped in the wisdom of the world hoping I can make patches as beautiful as the ones around me.

I will miss my friend, but our memories live on in this beautiful time line quilt.

Riches

I spend so much time deciding, who am I? I can be anyone I want to be. Thats a lot of pressure, what if I mess up? What if I spend all my time trying to be someone I am not? Is that possible?

We are taught to respect money as the highest thrown. Until I understood this about, I was so good at getting it. I dream of being rich, being able to spend on anything I want. Thats just what money is though, something you can spend on anything you want, and thats what we do everyday. If you are buying something you don't want, STOP. What's the point? America IS one of the richest countries in the world, why do we think we need more money? It's funny, money itself drives us mad. Wanting so badly to want something else to spend on.

I had been fighting with the idea that I would focus my working career on making large amounts of money, and be able to change the world with it. It doesn't work that way, at least not for me. If your focus is on changing the world, start there, not with money. Pick the goal, and the tools will begin to appear to help you achieve it.


Why is it we so badly want money? To make us happy? Happiness is what we should find in our everyday lives, in the people we spend our time with, and the work we invest ourselves into. Our short lives are for us to live, to enjoy or hate, really that choice is up to each of us.

I've found my small budget in New Zealand limiting, and frightening. For such a small amount though, I volunteer my time in the outdoor pursuits I enjoy and in turn, pay nothing. The best parts of my life, money couldn't possibly buy. A supportive family, a loving boyfriend, a sunny day, and loving friends who always help each other.

I fear these are the riches I take for granted, as the wealthy do their money. I don't ever want to live a meaningless life, take anyone for granted, or be selfish or forgotten. I want to love and share freely, and to enjoy every day of my life.

These moments are the riches we spend our whole lives chasing, sometimes forgetting they can't be bought.

I think I know who I am, a hippie, a dreamer, who hopes to change the world.

Kathrine was deemed queen of Isla de Capri, an imaginary island made from water bottles, this pump bottle was the first piece : )